Anger And Depression

The Teeter-Totter Of Emotion

I am sure most of you remember being on a teeter-totter in the playground when you were a child. The mechanism is simple: a long board resting on a central fulcrum.

You are at one end and someone else at the other. When one of you pushes up, the other goes down… just a game, with both of you having fun and taking turns being top dog.

The teeter-totter provides a graphic demonstration of normal, healthy interaction between people, with give and take from both sides. In abusive relationships, however, the abuser tries to keep the victim down in order to stay on top. At this point, the game is no longer fun.

The most common weapon of the abuser is anger, which is often the only emotion acceptable to those who seek to dominate. Other emotions are suppressed or denied, as they are considered signs of weakness that would tarnish the abuser’s image of power.

Battered by anger, the victim commonly responds with depression, either out of genuine despair or sometimes in an unconscious attempt to appear vulnerable in order to elicit sympathy from the abuser or from other people.

It is worth noting the major difference between the two emotions: Anger energizes us and depression depletes us. Anger gives us a sense of power, whereas depression is accompanied by a feeling of helplessness. Along with the anger goes blame: it is always other people who are the cause of our problems. In fury and frustration, we lash out at the world—especially those closest to us.

With depression, it frequently works the other way. We shoulder the blame for everything, even though we feel unable to rectify the situation. Some of us feel guilty and ashamed just to take up space in this world.

However different these emotions appear on the surface, the source of both anger and depression is fear. They are two sides of the same insecurity-coin. Moreover, whether we blame ourselves or others, blaming is a refusal to accept responsibility for our lives.

The laws of physics dictate that each action will produce an equal reaction. In other words, the teeter-totter cannot remain with one side up and the other down. We see this when a victim becomes aggressive and when an angry person shuts down and becomes morose. Only when neither side pushes or pulls does the teeter-totter remain at rest.

Moreover, the teeter-totter struggle between anger and depression also exists on the emotional level within the individual. The angry blamer is often a coward at heart, suffering from hidden self-doubt and depression, while the self-pitying victim often silently rages at bullies and seeks to exert control through subtle manipulation.

Both anger and depression are self-destructive if sustained over long periods. Anger may provide quick spurts of energy, but this is as temporary and artificial as a sugar or caffeine high.

Anger raises our blood pressure, poisons our internal organs and makes life a two-dimensional parody of extremes. Depression is equally unhealthy: it debilitates us, turns the world grey, chokes us and drains our lives of joy and wonder.

How can we overcome the teeter-totter ride of anger and depression? Only by recognizing that the choice is ours.

The fulcrum of the teeter-totter represents the connection point between ourselves and others. If we move to the centre, we can stop the game of blame and supremacy and work towards a mutually positive interaction. When we accept responsibility for our part in any interaction, we empower ourselves and are able to assess the possibilities for change.

Moving to our own inner centre enables us to achieve a state of balance and poise that resonates with serene strength and opens up our awareness. In this state, we have gained control, not over life’s circumstances or other people, but over our own reactions to them. We are able to see and accept others literally on the level, without dominating or being dominated.

When we act and react from this internal balance point, we are no longer victims to our own emotions of anger or depression. In the state of inner poise, we are able to draw energy from the deep well of the soul or inner self. We no longer feel so threatened by the world and move towards a state of healing and wellness.

By Hladini Wilson

Hladini Wilson is a freelance writer and editor who has been teaching meditation as a means of achieving health and happiness for more than 30 years.

She lives in Kingston, Ontario, Canada.

Hladini can be contacted at oneworld@kingston.net or by phone at 1-613-547-3089